In Someone Else’s Shoes


Although I’ve been rather absence of late, several other fine writers from around the globe continue to participate every week by writing 100-word stories based on a photo prompt. You can join the Friday Fictioneers too by writing your own story or simply reading along.

2015 11 17 CE AyrCopyright CE Ayr

In Someone Else’s Shoes

Agent Lauren Schrecklich turned onto Pershing Road as she waited for her Bluetooth to connect. She took a deep breath and prayed Senior Agent Morales would pick up.

“Schrecklich. Talk to me.”

“Ben’s checking out the locker at Union Station. I’m headed to Missy B’s. Too many people there might recognize him.”

“Good call. But you’re on your own. No heroics tonight.”

“Yes, sir. But . . . “

“I mean it, agent.”

“No heroics. So I can ditch the high heels?”

“Not a chance. You have to fit in.”

“Yes, sir. Operation Tomboy to Drag Queen commencing immediately.”

***

Want to read more? Follow links in the word salad to your right to read more about Agent Lauren Shrecklich.

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31 thoughts on “In Someone Else’s Shoes

  1. Ha! Love the last line.

  2. The line definitely works better at the end. Nice job!

  3. ansumani says:

    C- I liked the dialogue and the last line was hilarious. Subjective feedback: I would like to know what kind of place “Missy B’s” is – I assumed after reading to the end that it may be a place for drag-queens? This may be my ignorance of on how certain establishments are named.

    • storydivamg says:

      Thanks for the feedback. Yes, Missy B’s is a drag-queen bar in Kansas City (a real, actual place–although I don’t think there are any real-life vampires performing there tonight). This story is a bit geo-centric–will be better understood by people who know Kansas City or places in the American Midwest than others. I’ll try to be more inclusive in my next story.

      Thanks for weighing in.

      All my best,
      MG

  4. Well done! Great dialogue… very believable! 🙂

  5. draliman says:

    Nice dialogue! I’ve always wanted to be the person who names police operations 🙂

  6. Great dialogue and pacing, and I like how you got so much information over.
    C- because the first line of dialogue is unattributed, although he says her name, I thought this was her saying her name and then ‘talk to me’ to him – so I got the dialogue all the wrong way round on the first read. But it looks like this was just me from your comments above.

    • storydivamg says:

      Claire,

      Thanks for the feedback. I had considered that issue briefly when composing this. Then assumed people would understand given the “Talk to me.” line. I’ll keep your feedback in mind, especially if I learn others had the same confusion.

      All my best,
      Marie Gail

  7. Dear Marie Gail,

    Stop it! You’re winning me over. 😉 Of course as a Kansas Citian, I loved the references to Pershing Rd. and Union Station an area that’s always been part of my life.
    I can always count on you to bring something different to the FF table. I’m feasting.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    • storydivamg says:

      Thanks so much, Rochelle. This was a particularly fun bit to write. I need to get back to writing more about our dear Lauren. She’s been neglected far too long.

      Peace,
      MG

  8. gahlearner says:

    I thought it was great and the last line is hilarious.

  9. I thoroughly enjoyed this piece and thought that it was quite clear who was speaking first. Great last line.
    C – nothing to add.

  10. ceayr says:

    Very enjoyable read.

  11. micklively says:

    Still laughing: very good.

  12. I started laughing already at the name… (my German is far from fluent, but that word I know).. and the last line wraps it out well.

    C- I have not so much to add, except that personally a story with mostly dialogue makes it hard to picture the place and time well. I would have preferred some notes in the beginning.

    • storydivamg says:

      Bjorn,
      That name has quite a back story, and perhaps some day I’ll tell that portion of the tale here on my blog. At the moment, not even Lauren knows that her once-Jesuit-priest father was originally Fr. Schreck. And that’s all I’m going to say about that for now . . . Suffice it to say, I’m tickled every time someone with a knowledge of German gets the joke.

      As to the C–This one was difficult in that regard, and when posting, I had the distinct sense that it does not stand alone as well as most of the stories I post about Agent Schrecklich, Agent Morales, and Ben. If you want a clearer placement for the story, you can read the stories tagged “Lauren Schrecklich.” (Sorry–I know that’s the lazy way out. What I probably should say is, “You’re right, but I’m not intending on fixing it today.” But that kind of makes me sound like a stuck-up jerk, which I assure you I am not. 🙂 )

      Cheers!
      MG

  13. Dale says:

    This was a hoot. Loved the dialogue, the whole bit, actually!

  14. Margaret says:

    Good story, and fun dialogue – even without local knowledge, I got the point.

  15. Great ending, Marie Gail. I feel bad for Agent Morales; at least I wouldn’t want to be stuck on stakeout in high heels. 🙂 Maybe he’ll get used to them. Sorry I’ve been away for so long. I’m going to try to get back into a routine after Thanksgiving. Hope you’re doing well.
    -David

  16. Gee, what’s afoot here, so to speak. Sounds like chapter two should be in order.

  17. rogershipp says:

    I hope the ‘fitting in” works out for him.

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