Old Muddy’s Revenge


It’s that time of week again–time for Friday Fictioneers on a Wednesday morning! This week our photo prompt is courtesy of our fearless leader Rochelle Wisoff Fields, and by the week’s end it will inspire scores of original 100-word stories. My story this week is slightly under weight at 98 words.

2016 03 18 Rochelle

Copyright Rochelle Wisoff Fields

Old Muddy’s Revenge

Tres gazed out the shop window. “Dad—water’s risin’. Best get on while the gettin’s good.”

“I ain’t goin’ nowhere. Nary a flood e’er reached us here afore.”

Across the river from the shop, Tres could see water lapping at the foundation of Pierre’s bait shop. “Mr. Pierre’s already left, Dad. Good thing too. The Old Man’s knocking at his door.”

“Ain’t nuttin’ ta fear, Son. We sit a fair sight higher than him.”

“I’m not leavin’ you here.”

“Don’t then. Take a load off.”

Three hours later, the pair clung to the roof and prayed for rescue.

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32 thoughts on “Old Muddy’s Revenge

  1. Dear Marie Gail,

    Here’s hoping that a rescue comes soon. The voices set the scene and the title gave us the location. Well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    • storydivamg says:

      Thank you, Rochelle. I’ve always been hesitant to embrace dialect and even straight dialogue is difficult for me. You’ve boosted my courage.

      Peace,
      Marie Gail

      • Dialect is a tricky thing. Too much of it and the story gets lost. It should be used sparingly, like salt. Just enough to season. 😉
        Fear not, you’ve succeeded.

        Shalom,

        Your Fairy Blog Mother

  2. There is always that first time.

  3. mickwynn2013 says:

    I love the voices in this.

  4. I admire anyone doing dialects.. doing it well is even better… But I have to say that sometimes the past is not the best way to foresee the future…

  5. draliman says:

    Nice dialect! I guess it’s better to be safe than sorry – I hope Dad lives to learn that lesson.

  6. Sandra says:

    I’m dubious about dialect too, though I think this works (with the exception of ‘nary’). Whenever I see that word I can’t get the image of Long John Silver out of my head. But that’s my fault, not yours. 🙂 Well done.

    • storydivamg says:

      To be honest, I used “nary” as a place holder then never figured out the right Cajun turn of phrase. I’ll keep thinking on it and perhaps do some research. It turns out watching Swamp People on the History Channel isn’t really enough to make one an expert in Bayou dialects. 😉

      Thanks so much for reading and weighing in.

  7. gahlearner says:

    I can’t comment on the dialect, but the dialogue is great. Let’s hope stubborn dad and faithful son get rescued soon.

  8. Mike says:

    Dialect is so difficult, well done.

  9. Looks like there was more than nuttin’ ta fear. Interesting characters, leaves you wondering what happened to them.

  10. That’s some fast floods. I’m reading Grapes of Wrath now and the father reminds me of the Grandpa there, refusing to leave his house.

    • storydivamg says:

      Thanks for weighing in, David. I think the elderly individual reluctant to leave home is a universal character, in many respects.

      As to the speed of the flooding, I’ve heard stories of this rapid flooding–especially in the Ninth Ward during Hurricane Katrina. I’ve encountered flooding only slightly less rapid during a drive through Kansas in late spring of 1993. Water rising at a speed of 18 inches an hour is scary stuff.

      All my best,
      Marie Gail

  11. erinleary says:

    Stubborn to the end, I see. Hope their rescue arrives!

  12. i b arora says:

    hope they got rescued

    • storydivamg says:

      Me too! In one version of this, there was a helicopter above. I had to edit it out in order to meet the word-count restrictions. Hopefully it’s still en route.

  13. Margaret says:

    I love how he says ‘Take a load off’. My daughter says that. I think it’s a great line. I like how your story moves from the father’s great confidence to his sorry plight at the end. Well told.

  14. jellico84 says:

    “The old muddy never gives up her dead when the rains of the spring are upon her…” Lyrics to a little song my Gran used to sing about the Ohio River.

    • storydivamg says:

      Thanks for sharing! I have never heard the Ohio River referred to as “Ol’ Muddy.” Here in Missouri, we refer to the Missouri River as “Ol’ Muddy” north of St. Louis. When it dumps into the Mississippi in St. Louis, locals refer to the Mississippi as “Ol’ Muddy” as well as the Great River, as it is known farther up stream.

      All my best,
      Marie Gail

      • jellico84 says:

        The original name for the Ohio, is Ohiya (Shawnee), and it means “Big Deep Water”. In the spring we call it muddy because it is. So murky that it’s like putting your hand in pudding… In the Native language, it’s the Mississippi River that is called “Big Muddy Deep Water”.

  15. rgayer55 says:

    I told a man down by the Hwy 45 bridge I’d seen his chosen house spot under water. He built there anyway. It was 5 years before the first flood, then 2 more within the next 5 years. 100 yr. flood plane my ass.
    Stubborn is as stubborn does.

    • storydivamg says:

      Yeah, it doesn’t make much sense to build in a location that has been recently under water. And it doesn’t make sense to build right next to a river either. Rivers move over time. During the bicentennial celebrations of the Lewis and Clark Expedition, we had some debate concerning the locations of celebrations along the Kaw River in KCK because the course of the river varies as much as four miles from the course it followed 200 years ago. And most of that change of course has been natural. “A man never steps into the same river twice.”Heraclitus was right on that.

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